May it be past.

No matter how much I love Onur, I had a fear that came to the surface again and again: experiencing violence, especially from men.

As I thought it was over now, I suddenly caught my fear very clearly. I ordered drinking water to the house. I wished for it to be brought before doing yoga, so it won’t split. I was uneasy to open the door with the clothes on me, as I was without bras. What if the guy that comes in pushes me in and rapes? Whoa! No way! Where did that come from? I said goodbye to my thought as soon as I caught it. So it has not passed yet. Apparently healing some wounds is not so easy.

The door was knocked. A very friendly man. “Have a good day sister. How are you?”, he handed the drinking water while asking. I wasn’t expecting this smile, I was stunned. I said, “May you be alive. How are you?” He also got surprised to my question, smiled. “Many gratitudes, sister, may you be alive.”*

When it is physical, it is easier to say “May it be past”.** But there are also invisible wounds that many of us have buried not to notice again. Here for all those wounds in the deep:

May our healing find us, be ointment to our wounds.

May it be past for all of us again.

*In Turkish there are different phrases to thank. Another translation of “Çok şükür abla, sağolasın.” is “Thank God, sister, thank you.”

** This phrase is usually translated as “Get well soon”. As I noticed the wisdom of Turkish language by translating directly, I wanted to share as it is.

I wrote this piece two years ago. When I decided to share, I drew the pepper gas cartridge, which has now turned into a tiny pot. When I found it at the times of Gezi protests, I wished to grow plants in it. It become true.

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